drills on film Because National Dental Hygiene Month is just around the corner (October), and because I have a tragically dull life, I spent a weekend preparing this overview of my favorite Hollywood dental visits:

W.C. Fields, The Dentist (1932)
PATIENT: Miss Macy
REASON FOR VISIT: Toothache.
TREATMENT: Doc straddles Miss Macy to get plier grip on bad tooth; they bounce scandalously around room.
OUTCOME? Patient flees.
BEST LINE: "This won't hurt you — much."

Biff Grimes (James Cagney), The Strawberry Blonde (1941)
PATIENT: William Grimes (Alan Hale Sr.)
REASON FOR VISIT: Biff receives dentistry course in mail and jolly Irish dad offers aching molars as educational tool.
TREATMENT: Select random tooth after administering nitrous oxide from hobby tank.
OUTCOME? Unjustly convicted of fraud, Biff finishes coursework in prison.
BEST LINE: "As soon as I get my first patient, I'm going to quit that milk route."

Herbie the Elf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
PATIENT: Abominable Snowman
REASON FOR VISIT: Sharp incisors threaten protagonists.
TREATMENT: Yank all after patient pushed over cliff.
OUTCOME? Herbie opens North Pole practice; Abominable joins forces of good.
BEST LINE: Herbie with Rudolph. "You don't mind my red nose?" "Not if you don't mind me being a dentist." "It's a deal!"

Dr. Schatz, a.k.a. Chief Inspector Jacque Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
PATIENT: Former Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom)
REASON FOR VISIT: Hard candy damaged premolar.
TREATMENT: Place "special anesthetic cotton wool" over patient's eyes before searching for clues. Share nitrous oxide; place feet on patient's chest for leverage and yank wrong tooth.
OUTCOME? Clouseau is recognized but escapes despite being doubled over in nitrous oxide-induced laughter.
BEST LINE: "I normally don't mecca hassle calls in the metal of the gnat."

Christian Szell (Laurence Olivier), Marathon Man (1976)
PATIENT: Gabe Levy (Dustin Hoffman)
REASON FOR VISIT: Nazi Szell tortures Levy while asking cryptically, "Iz it safe?"
TREATMENT: Dig into cavity, relieve with oil of cloves. Service healthy teeth with aging drill that plugs into wall outlet.
OUTCOME? Levy triumphs but faces years of dentiphobia.
BEST LINE: "Please don't worry. I'm not going into that cavity... A freshly cut nerve is infinitely more sensitive."

Dr. Miles (Robert Webber), 10 (1979)
PATIENT: George Webber (Dudley Moore)
REASON FOR VISIT: Smitten with Miles' daughter (Bo Derek), Webber schedules check-up to learn more.
TREATMENT: Doc finds and fills six cavities.
OUTCOME? Webber ingests pain pills and brandy for days.
BEST LINE: Hygienist, after Miles notes his daughter's vacation plans in Mexico, reminds Webber to brush his "dientes," then giggles.

Sheldon Kornpett (Alan Arkin), The In-Laws (1979)
PATIENT: Mrs. Adelman
REASON FOR VISIT: Dentures
TREATMENT: Patient abandoned as Kornpett runs errand for future in-law, CIA agent Vince Ricardo (Peter Falk).
OUTCOME? Mouthpiece bonds to patient's teeth.
BEST LINE: Ricardo [as men face Latin American firing squad]: "Spare this man, General. He's a dentist from New York, a city in which there are thousands of Spanish-speaking people who stand in dire need of extensive bridgework." Kornpett: "That was it?! The dental thing? I'm a dead man!"

Bruce "Dr. Slick" Fleckstein (Joe Mantegna),
Compromising Positions (1985)
PATIENT: Judith Singer (Susan Sarandon)
REASON FOR VISIT: Gum surgery.
TREATMENT: Pokes around, then wipes spittle sensuously from Singer's lip.
OUTCOME? Doc killed in office; Judith solves the crime.
BEST LINE: "I can't believe I opened my mouth to someone who got murdered!"

Orin Serivello (Steve Martin), Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
PATIENT: Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis)
REASON FOR VISIT: Angered by sadist abuse of beautiful Audrey, Seymour plans to feed Serivello to carnivorous plant.
TREATMENT: Drill while high on nitrous.
OUTCOME? Serivello accidentally gasses himself, becomes plant food.
BEST LINE: Doc [singing]: "Say aah!" Patient: "Aaaaaaaahhhhh!" Doc [singing]: "Say aah!"

visitor feedback

From Mark Harris:
It's great that you included Herbie the Elf. I was watching it on television a few years back, and during the scene when the bucks taunt Rudolph and Coach Donder encourages them, my roommate glanced up and said, "Those reindeer sure are assholes." But how could you omit the greatest dentist film of all time, Greed?

From Tom Flamson:
Although it probably wasn't yet released when you compiled your list of dentist movies, the best and most intellectually stimulating of all dentist films is Steven Soderbergh's Schizopolis. Watch it four or five times tonight and see what you think.