the bathroom
by Alexander Kira (1975)

A professor of architecture at Cornell University, Alexander Kira first published his authoritative book on the loo, The Bathroom, in 1966 after having researched its design and function since the late Fifties. The book was written for students and architects, but there's enough history and social aspects and humorous asides that anyone with an interest in tub angles, urine streams or public restroom design will appreciate it. Kira sets out to examine "our attitudes toward personal hygiene activities and the facilities we use to accommodate them; our basic physiological requirements; our patterns of performing the necessary actions; and the development of design criteria to fulfill those needs." That's about as dry as the writing gets. He begins by tracing the history of "personal hygiene facilities," noting that bathing has traditionally been a public activity. Kings, princes and queens often asked subjects to accompany them to the john so they could continue conversations while on the second throne ("the French courtesy"). The professor examines the notion of what it means to be clean and why we feel it's so important (in early Christian times, dirt was a badge of holiness).
He discusses why North Americans have rejected the European bidet as a way to clean the anus after defecation, and says that rejection wouldn't have been such a big deal if only we were better at wiping ourselves. He cites a study of British men that found that nine percent were not wearing underpants and 44 percent "revealed fecal contamination of their underpants or trousers, ranging from 'wasp-coloured staining' to 'frank massive faeces.' " The study's author concluded wryly that many men are "prepared to complain about a tomato sauce stain on a restaurant tablecloth whilst they luxuriate on a plush seat in their faecally-stained pants."
Kira finds a transition here to point out that crooner Tiny Tim once told a reporter he showered after every crap to "avoid stains on the underwear." I'll spare you the exact nature of the aesthetics of wiping your ass, but Kira doesn't recommend the common dry wipe since you don't get all the fecal matter, especially with people with an abundance of butt hair. The preferred method is the bidet, or using wet towelettes or cleansing foams marketed to hemorrhoid sufferers.
Bidet or no bidet, you should always wash your hands after wiping, and Kira observed and chronicled the dynamics of that everyday action. Here's the scientific method: "The body should be in a relaxed vertical position and the hands should be manipulated just in front of the body, with the upper arm vertical and the forearm extended horizontally. During the wetting and rinsing part of the process the hands are generally held slightly lower to prevent water from running down the arm and slightly further forward to prevent any water from splashing on clothing."
The problem with all this is that modern bathroom sinks are too low for this ideal posture. Kira suggests a redesign, then tackles tubs (the sitting angle found to be most comfortable is 25 to 40 degrees, so designers should work from there). Once the hardware is out of the way, he delves into the core reasons behind bathrooms: poo and pee. If you're looking for science that affects people's everyday lives, this is it. Kira quickly gets down to business: "For the male, little is said about genitourinary hygiene, and little is ever done. Several matters, however, deserve attention. One is the blotting of the penis after urination — and after 'jiggling' — to remove those last drops of urine that otherwise are absorbed by the clothing. Contrary to the age-old and universal jingle: 'No matter how much you jiggle and squeeze, those last few drops always go down your knees!', more times than not those last few drops are simply absorbed by the underwear and soak through the trousers, particularly if they are tight-fitting." This is an age-old problem for men. According to a book published in 1891 called Scatological Rights of All Nations, a researcher observed of the Mahometans: "When they make water, they squat down like women, for fear some drops of urine should fall into their breeches. To prevent this evil, they squeeze the part very carefully, and rub the head of it against a wall; and one may see the stones worn in several places by this custom."
In Chapter 8, Social and Psychological Aspects of Elimination, Kira tackles slang about bathrooms and defecation, potty training, the uses of urine and feces, toilet humor, bathrooms in art and why we read on the john. According to Kira, "tensions produced by guilt or ugliness associated with the act will prevent completion. One common method to take our mind off the act is reading." Whether this theory holds water or not, Dylan Thomas once suggested that novels be serialized on toilet paper.
Kira delights in providing plenty of facts. We learn that the average adult faece is 4 to 8 inches long, weighs 100 to 200 grams and contains (according to the textbook Gastro-Enterology) 65 percent water, 10 to 20 percent ash, 10 to 20 percent soluble substances and 5 to 10 percent nitrogen. It is best released from your body from a squatting position, with your thighs touching or almost touching your abdomen, but most toilets are not designed for this and most people can't squat as long as it takes for a complete bowel movement. Peeing is covered in Chapter 11, Anatomy and Physiology of Urination, which includes photos of urine streams and men and women urinating in what looks like a shower but has measurement grids on the walls.
Next, the history of public toilets (many people have an aversion to open-ended seats — the "man's seat" — designed so the dribble doesn't end up where the next guy might sit). Kira discusses urinal spacing in detail, and the habit guys have of leaving an empty urinal between them so no one thinks they're gay. And he also discusses in great detail the female practice of hovering to avoid touching the disease-ridden seat. As Kira explains, this usually only creates a mess.
I read The Bathroom and wrote most of this review on the john.

visitor feedback

From Candi Strecker:
I have always assumed that it was just women who are weird in their bathroom habits, part of the powerful Don't Touch Yourself Down There training that most women get. But then I read the funniest column the other day that implied men are just as weird. Have you seen Savage Love, a sex column by a gay man named Dan Savage? In this column, he went off on a tangent about how he puts a layer of toilet paper onto the surface of the water before pooping so that the logs land gently without a splash that might dampen his posterior. Darn fussy, for a guy who puts his mouth EVERYWHERE.