mail-order ministry That's Reverend Chip to you, sinner, and I have the papers to prove it. Visit the Universal Life Church, where you can become ordained online and print a certificate attesting to your status. In most states, you need only a document from a recognized church that says you are a minister to actually be one. (And why not? What are the qualifications to be a minister, anyway? Good karma?) The Universal Life Church, founded in 1962 by Kirby Hensley, has fought numerous court battles over its tax status.
"The state claims you need a written document that states you are an ordained minister," explained Reverend Hensley before he died ain 1999 (his widow now runs the church). "We have given you this document."
When you submit your request to become a minister, the church places your name into its computer database. That process completes your ordination. You can now legally perform baptisms, weddings and funerals in most states (check with the local county clerk for specifics). About a third of states require that ministers register.
If you accept the church's philosophy, you're free to reject the church's philosophy. The Reverend Hensley explains: "We believe only in that which is right, and everyone has the right to determine what is right for themselves." Hell, I can live with that! The church trinity is Freedom, Food and Sexuality.

The Reverend Hensley, who has ordained the Beatles, George Burns, Wolfman Jack, Betty Ford, Merle Haggard and Lawrence Welk, among other celebrities, always said that a ULC minister should be "compassionate, loving and trustworthy." He added, however, that "ministers are entitled to many discounts." For three bucks the church will send you a window placard for your car so you can snag prime spots near nursing homes and prisons. For another three bucks, you can receive an Affirmation of Love certificate for couples living together. (It makes a great housewarming gift!) For a $25 donation you can receive a doctorate in immortality or other fields. After much reflection, I requested the titles of Monk and Soul Therapist.
If you prefer to contact the church by snail mail, send your name and address to Minister Credentials, Universal Life Church, 601 Third St., Modesto, CA 95351. Tell them you would like to become an ordained minister, and throw in a few bucks as a goodwill offering.

updates

Reason magazine reports in its January 2008 issue that a judge had ruled that the marriage of a Pennsylvania couple by an "Internet minister" had not been legal. The couple was considering divorce so went to a York County judge to make sure it was even necessary. Pennsylvania and other states are considering making it illegal for anyone who is ordained online or through the mail to perform weddings. Many states, including Nevada and Virginia, require that you be affiliated with a "regularly established church or congregation" to perform marriages. The Universal Life Church plans to challenge the York County ruling. Andre Hensley, the church presidents, says ULC ordains about 10,000 people a month, 80 percent of whom join so they can perform marriages.

visitor feedback

From Scott Cornish:
Thanks to the info I read in your zine, several friends and I are now ordained ministers. Take care.

From E.A. Webb:
I find it upsetting to know that you are making a mockery of my GOD and LORD JESUS CHRIST. I ask you as a Christian to stop this blasphemy and ask GOD to forgive you for what you are doing. I will pray that GOD wakes you up and lets you know that you are greatly offending him.
I want you to know that it takes more to be a minister that a piece of paper. GOD is the only one that can make you a minister. I pray that you will realize that you are playing with your own life. I can guarantee you that GOD will strike you down to your knees before he will let you keep making a mockery of his word and Heavenly Kingdom.
I speak as an old fool who used to have as much faith as you. I can guarantee that these things will happen to you. The LORD THY GOD will not stand for such foolishness. I beg you to stop and kneel right now and pray for forgiveness. It is easy. GOD loves you. Don't abuse his love.
May GOD knock at your door every minute of the day until you see his light and Glory. Peace be with you.