catalog from hell

ANATOMICAL CHOCOLATE HEART
You promised you'd give her (or him) your heart. What are you waiting for? Prove your love with this anatomically correct, solid milk chocolate heart. Made from a mold taken from a medical school model, it's highly detailed, life size (about the size of a fist) and weighs about one pound. $16.95

BUDWEISER BEER CAN SLIPPERS
No, they're not for Bigfoot or the Tibetan Abominable Snowman. They're two comfortable novelty slippers 11" long, made to look like two oversize Budweiser cans. Soft and warm. One size fits all. Perfect for cold winter nights around the fire, for your vacation home or for keeping on your side of the bed. $27.50

EAT AT RALPH'S
To win, stuff Ralph with all your snacks. If he eats too much, it all comes back. Ages 5-up. From Milton Bradley. $19.99

WOODSTOCK EARCHIMES
From the makers of Woodstock Chimes, the best windchimes in the world, these fun and fanciful earrings are music for your ears. Specially tuned to the scale favored by elves and fairies, they answer your movements with soft jingles. Sterling silver plated brass. $29.50

COMF-O-MATE
“Give yourself a little more room to breath (or eat!). Pants/jeans extender can add a whole size to your waist for those times when you need a bit more room. Fastens easily to regular button and buttonhole, is inconspicuous when covered by a belt buckle or clothing. Comes in 4 colors to go with jeans, skirts or slacks.” $3.98

CAR CHRISTMAS TREE
“When you can’t be home for the holidays, take the Christmas spirit on the road. The festive little 9” high plastic Christmas tree attaches to any interior window of your vehicle with 2 suction cups (included); has 5 miniature lights that plug into the car cigarette lighter. The cord is about 9.5’ long so you can attach the tree anywhere in your car. Have tree, will travel.” $6.98

HAIR CUTTING SYSTEM
“With Flowbee, you and your family can safely get over 1,000 goof-proof precision-layered haircuts in the privacy of your own home...it’s guaranteed! Just connect Flowbee to your vacuum and its patented blade design gives you the perfect cut, while the clippings go directly into your vacuum. Will not work on tightly curled hair. Works with most vacuums.” $49.99

CHIN STRAP
Stretch-to-fit band will gently help strengthen your chin, jawline, cheeks—while you sleep, do housework, watch TV or read. Fits snugly under chin and over the top of head to smooth forehead lines, too. Helps your whole face have a fresher, more youthful appearance! 100 percent Spandex, in soft beige; one size fits all. Even helps prevent snoring! $4.99

BARK CONTROL COLLAR
“A voice recognition chip memorizes your dog’s unique bark and your voice command. Then when your dog barks or you repeat your command, the collar will issue a series of warning beeps. If barking continues, a mild correction is administered, which lasts only as long as the barking continues. You’ll be happier because your dog will learn to bark less and your dog will be happier because he’s doing what his master wants.” $49.99